Diary
25/12/2005
Christmas Dinner
Fantastic just to be eating a Christmas dinner at all. Necessarily small portions
and no alcohol, except on the Christmas Pudding that is. Won't need to eat again
for a little while.
31/12/2005
Eating
Radiotherapy has disrupted all the organs around the site of my tumor. This
means that my oesophagus isn't swallowing and my stomach isn't digesting. What
I do eat seems to sit like a brick in the middle of my chest. Energy levels
are very low and I'm losing weight.
02/01/2006
Eating
Oncology department has come through for me once again and advised my GP to
prescribe a course of steroids and gut assisting drugs.
05/01/2006
Eating
Within 48 hours of starting this medication I am feeling a whole lot better
and able to eat a reasonable meal.
10/01/2006
Facial Hair
Throughout my life my hair, Head, Body and Facial has always been blond,
or in later years Dark Blond. I never really had the chance to grow a beard
or proper sideburns as I just looked unwashed rather than hairy. So imagine
my surprise when a couple of weeks after the end of my radiotherapy when my
facial hair started coming through black. Proper stiff manly beard hair that
needs shaving rather than a wipe with a paper towel. I'm now growing a goatee,
because I can. Another positive statement to add to the list.
16/01/2006
Side effects, (Cramping)
I was feeling so much better, able to eat normally, energy levels coming back
up, wanting to do stuff again, and then I have these terrible cramps. Mostly
in my hands. Not just a spasm that you can massage away, these are full spasms
of every muscle in the hands and forearms and last for 20-30 minutes at a time.
The first of these is so severe that I cannot hold a phone, let alone dial a
number. This is really debilitating and an issue that must be dealt with.
17/01/2006
Side effects, (Cramping)
Doctors can offer no explanation or resolution so I have to assume it is a side
effect of the medication so I have stopped taking them, I'd rather have the
brick in my stomach.
19/01/2006
Side effects, (Cramping)
Symptoms have eased but not gone away. Nurse is not happy with stopping
the medication so we agree to reduce the dosage and see how it goes, whilst
at the same time getting a blood test to eliminate any other causes.
23/01/2006
Side effects, (Cramping)
Bloods come back normal, so I will stick with the reduced medication until
my consultants' appointment in February
04/02/2006
Hair
I deliberately shaved my head rather than let chemotherapy or cancer take it
from me. At the end of chemo it started to come back, white this time, but nevertheless
it was hair and a symbolic triumph over cancer. When radiotherapy made it fall
out again it was a bit of a blow. So for more than two months I have had nothing
on my head but a shine, then all of a sudden there's a fuzz. Again, white and
very fine but it looks like it's on its' way back.
04/02/2006
Christmas Dinner II
As
my Christmas dinner was a little restrained, we are having another tonight and
inviting friends who have really help us through these last few months.
05/02/2006
Super Bowl XL
Not interested in American football then ignore this entry.
What
a disappointing game. Of all the NFL teams these two were among my least favorite
anyway, but I had a slight leaning toward Seattle. They started well driving
the ball and forcing Pittsburgh 3 and out through the first quarter, but could
only manage 3 points out of a lot of short field advantage. It has to be said
they were not helped by some dreadful refereeing decisions, however, they had
their chance and didn’t take it. Seattle’s two minute drill at the
end of the first half was appalling and in a game of this caliber should result
in the end of someone’s NFL coaching career.
In
the end one big running play, and a little razzle dazzle on behalf of the Steelers
was all it took. Let’s hope XLI will be better.
08/02/2006
First Check up
Although
my chest feels fine and has done for some while now, this is a first big step
towards remission. The exam is fine,chest clear, nodes normal, bloods normal
etc. Just an adjustment to the steroid regime to help with the cramping and
then onwards toward the 3 month scan, in 6 weeks time. Now that is the important
one.
21/02/2006
Tenerife
Last time I asked the medics if it was OK for me to go abroad, they said
'no', (I was on Chemo at the time), This time I didn't ask.
I am now off steroids completely and feeling the cold dreadfully, so a week
in the relative warmth of the Canaries is very welcome. Didn't do very much
apart from sleeping and being warm whilst dear old blighty was suffering sub
zero temperatures.
Now
I'm off steroids the digestion problems I had over Christmas are returning.
I am not able to eat a full meal and I'm starting to loose weight again.
06/03/2006
Side Effects
Contacted Oncology about not eating. I'm now feeling sick most of the time,
unable to eat properly, loosing weight and have no energy at all, (Most of my
time is now spent asleep or in front of the TV, Not good). I am prescribed some
digestive tract medicine, designed to get the stomach and gut muscles working,
and some drinks called Forti Sip, (Who comes up with these names?), which supply
all the vitamins and minerals needed, but unfortunately taste of malt. (All
flavors taste the same).
13/03/2006
Side Effects
Digestive problems have eased slightly. I'm starting to have more energy,
sleep less and eat slightly more. The trick is to eat as soon as I feel hungry,
10 minutes too late and I'm feeling nauseous again. On the positive side, it
appears the cramps are gone and I no longer shiver for 5 minutes every time
the door opens, so something must be improving.
20/03/2006
Chest Infection
Now
this is a good test. Both myself and my wife have caught a chest infection at
almost the same time, so we can compare notes. In the event the only difference
was that my coughing aggravated my tummy but otherwise we both had the same
symptoms, which is good news, I think.
30/03/2006
3 Month Scan
The 3 Month Scan is a milestone. There is always the worry, did they get
it all? are there secondaries that were missed? Despite all the reassurances,
seeing is believing. Unfortunately the results won't be available until next
Wednesday, when we go back to see the consultant.
05/04/2006
3 Month Consultation
I didn't realise just how worried I was until the doctor announced that
the scan was clear. Our relief was palpable. We went on to look at the scan,
and to see the before and after was just amazing. So another 6 months to the
next scan, but for now I can relax and get back to living a reasonably normal
life.
12/04/2006
Milestone A Haircut
For the first time since shaving my head during chemo, not only is there
hair all over my head but it is long enough to warrant a hair cut. Due to the
pattern of radiation my hair had come back at different times and was growing
at different rates. I chose a number 2, keeping it short but now tidy and very
fashionable, even if it is a little cold.
30/04/2006
Appetite
I don't know if it is purely physiological or just a matter of timing but
since my 3 month consultation there has been a marked improvement in my appetite
and energy levels. I am eating a normal sized meal and no longer need to sleep
in the afternoon. I'm still a wreck if I stay up too late and even small quantities
of alcohol send me to sleep but I am definitely 'getting there'.
21/05/2006
Happy Event
A double celebration. Today I became a grandfather for the second time
and ate my first three course meal in a year with a couple of glasses of wine.
For me every day is a bonus but this one is a little bit special.............................
20/06/2006
Anniversary
A whole year on from my initial diagnosis and not only am I still here
but I'm feeling better and fitter than at any time in the last year. I am now
actively looking for work, but who is going to employ a fifty something ex-cancer
patient remains to be seen.
15/07/2006
Milestone
My first gig since my illness. I'm pleased to say that I sang for an hour
and a half, and the voice and lungs held up fine. My guitar playing left a little
to be desired but I can work on that. My brain doesn't seem to be as agile as
before. The professionals say this is nothing to do with the treatment. Perhaps
it's because I havn't done a lot in the last year and normal function will be
resumed. I hope so, future audiences must hope so too.
16/07/2006
Kylie
I don't want to be churlish but wasn't the Kylie interview badly produced.
She was trying to put out a positive message while all the program makers wanted
was tears and tradegy.
27/08/2006
Milestone II
My second gig since my illness, so what? you say, well this one was serious.
The first one, well all I had to do was show up to get a round of applause,
this time very few of the audience knew who I was and my recent history. This
one I had to do without the sympathy vote! I can claim that it went well, much
better than my shakey start last month, and my confidence has been boosted as
a result. Confidence, not only in myself but also, that I have beaten my cancer.
29/09/2006
Birthday
My 56th birthday, do I need to say how grateful I am to have got here?
Had my 9 month scan on Monday of this week and I get the results on Wednesday
of next week. If I am still clear then, I might just party, for now I'm having
a quiet day and updating the website.
04/10/2006
9 Month Scan
I got myself really worked up about this, What if it's back? What if it's
somewhere else? What if........ The truth was awfully mundane 'No Change', no
sign of any cancer from my brain down to my vitals. I feel I should be dancing
and laughing and really enjoying my new lease of life but in reality I'm just
sooo relieved...
10/11/2006
Bonkers In The Nut!
Not exactly, but I find myself having therapy. I know I should be happy to be
alive but a mixture of something akin to Post Traumatic Stress and survivor
guilt are giving me, and my family a hard time.
25/12/2006
Christmas
Christmas with two grand kids is fun but tiring. God I’m feeling old.
At least this year I had a little of the Christmas ‘spirit’ and
a large amount of Christmas Pud.
4/01/2007
1 Year check up.
This is just a routine exam with stethoscope and gland prodding, but it is significant
in that it is a year since the end of treatment. I am pronounced clear again
and asked to come back for a full scan in three months time.
08/01/2007
Holiday
Lanzarote. Last time I was there I ended up with cancer and didn’t have
the best of times. I was disappointed to catch a cold on the aircraft and have
it last nearly the whole two weeks, my wife also suffered. On the other hand,
it shows that my immune system is working again, albeit slowly, and I eventually
fight it off, unfortunately Mrs Razor was not so fortunate, read on.
04/02/2007
Superbowl
Much better game than last year, only the wrong team won.
Feb 2007
The wife becomes ill again and again. It seems she gets over one ‘bug’
only to be struck down with another. Eventually her system became so low that
she is admitted to hospital with pneumonia.
March
2007
Women Against Lung Cancer
Mrs. Razor has published her own account of my illness on the Women Against
Lung Cancer site. As a result we are both invited to a WALC event at the House
of Lords http://www.walcuk.org.uk/html/getinvolved/parlevent.htm.
28/03/07
Spamalot
For a little light relief we went to see Monty Python’s Spamalot in the
West End. If you like Python, you won’t be disappointed.
April
2007
15 Month Scan
I was really worried about this one. It’s a full body scan, head, chest
and vitals. I don’t know why but during the wait between having the scan
and getting the results I get more and more anxious. When the consultant tells
me that I’m still all clear the relief is amazing. A small celebration
may be in order.
October 2007
I
miss the inaugural NFL game at the new Wembley stadium, due to the fact that
I have a chest infection which has really laid me low. No way could I have walked
the Wembley Way. Watching the game on TV was small consolation although I must
say it wasn’t much of a game, the Giants did just enough to beat the Miami
Dolphins who were just terrible, and they were the home team!
December
2007
Christmas
eve 2007 marks the 2nd anniversary of the end of my treatment. This is a milestone
at which I officially become a tick in the Won column. From here on my check
ups will get further apart, every six months instead of every three. In another
couple of years it will be once a year. After that, well let’s not count
chickens eh?
I’ve
decided to bring this journal to a close. Because I’m sure my repeated
accounts of trips to the panto or circus or holidays with the grandchildren
will get a bit tedious after a while. I will be adding a further page about
life after cancer, but for now thanks for reading I hope my story has helped
someone through a very difficult experience.
Keep
the faith…………..JTR.
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